but, goodbye’s too good a word…

Oddly, I have little memory of the news of her passing. I cannot remember the moment the news came in, how I felt, and what I did next. This time, last year is caught in a blur of late night flights, and early-morning airport-drops, and what we all knew was coming…she was gone. Gone too soon, and too startlingly, and far too unforgivingly…like all things good.

I miss her, I miss us. Of all the second-mums in the world, I’d like to believe she was the brightest star; Dylan-loving, Buddha-believing, and a library full of books. Memories fade. Memories make the past out to be much grander, and much greater, and yet with her somehow it was all true…she truly let the sunshine in. And, taught me how to, too.

When you lose someone you love, you give up things. You give up coffee shops and clandestine dates and cheese omelets and dissecting loves and sometimes, you give up books. You also look at the world somewhat gratingly. (But, not without you Dolly Sandhu)

A whole year without her, and I want to be more of her, free-spirted and generously warm, and less harder on my decisions. Of course, the coffee shops languish, and the books gather dust, and there are few loves to dissect…but Dylan still plays. And the dreams we had together still live on, some of them as promises I must keep.

 It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe

It don’t matter, anyhow

An’ it ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe

You’re the reason I’m trav’lin’ on ~ Don’t Think Twice, It’s alright

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