I’m a heart-person with certainty; decisions, for me, are hardly easy, sending me into a flurry of emotion, a tizzy of anxiety, a burst of spontaneity. So often, I make my decisions on the fly, in an instant, only to wonder if I should have taken some time to ponder over it all. Other times, I use the many logical devices of the human mind, only to come away feeling depleted: the mind is calculative and risk-aversive but ultimately it lacks heart.
My very natural ability is to go for it: I have grown up pushing my way through the line to the toughest roller-coaster, and (as it turns out) messiest relationships head on- I can do this I tell myself again and again. Truth is I do. Sometimes, I’m out a little bit scathed, and a little too bruised…but I survive.
Only recently I tried to use my mind. I tried to put down the logical aspects of why it wouldn’t work and made a couple of snap, harsh decisions that I believed were for the better. A week later I was startled at the hardened, fearful person I had become. Ultimately, what could go wrong?
The worst that can come off bad decisions is the people you lose, and the opportunities that fail. And, the best that could come off not making them altogether is staying where you are. Fearful, half-living, but doing the ‘right’ thing.
I try to make amends, but it is perhaps, too late.
You cannot reverse your decisions as easily as you can make them, I learn. You can also never be too sure if you have made the right decision or the wrong one, until time tells you…
Which makes me wonder if decisions are good or bad at all, or just lessons and chances you give yourself.
I learned a few things about myself over the week:
I like to make my decisions consulting a few opinions, but ultimately I’m an impulsive, life-embracing sort of person who believes all is good.
In all the sadness, and the downfalls that I have seen and will continue to see…
I must not change that.